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Wednesday, September 07, 2011

Final Entry

22-07-11 by Anita Davies
22-07-11, a photo by Anita Davies on Flickr.
This is the final entry of this journal created on 22nd July, the day before we lost Dad.
There were a few pages left to be filled but it felt right to begin a new journal when I finally picked up a sketchbook again in the middle of August.
It has been the most painful 18 months, first losing Mum and then Dad to terminal cancer. The pain continues combined with the most magical of memories we created in those few months together, battling side by side.

With me throughout were my journals, a place to hide, to scream..a trusted friend in waiting rooms and a stimulant when I thought I couldn't stay awake another moment....so many hours with so little sleep.
I hope browsing these pages has not made you feel uncomfortable, it was not my intention, I have simply posted each spread as I always have since the very first day I started journalling. I see no reason to censorship emotion, life's challenges shape us into who we are and who I am is what defines my journals.

I would love to report that I am fine and these heart wrenching days are now behind me, but I am not...They are not...All is still so very painful. I cope, some days much better than others.

Thank you so much to all who sent messages, emails and comments of support, prayers and friendship, they were most appreciated.

And so, whether we feel it should or not, life goes on...almost regardless!
A new journal begins.

5 comments:

Capt Elaine Magliacane said...

What a treasure this journal will be for you to remember your Dad and the good times you and he had... the pain I fear will never be over, I lost my Dad 5 years ago, and I still miss him very much...which is why your journals touch my heart so much. You see my Dad died before I started journaling, so I don't have a book like yours full of memories of me and my Dad... but I carry them in my heart.... and always will. God bless you.

Anonymous said...

I had a sketchbook with me while sitting beside my Mother...it relaxed me at the time, and comforted me. Something normal and familiar during the unfamiliar. I treasure the book now, as it brings me close to her again. It's been 10 months...and tears still fall. It takes time. 16 years ago, Dad died of cancer. (They both did.) I feel for you... Thinking of you! BJR

Lisa at Greenbow said...

I was not a bit put off by your honesty. It takes time to learn to cope with such losses. Hang on to those sketchbooks. Pour your heart and grief out there. It is a good thing. I hope you get some much needed rest now. I know your boys need you. As you say life goes on. Big Hugs...

Michael Bailey said...

You will never lose those memories Anita and you have these journals to help you remember those precious times. Losing parents so close together is very painful. I lost my Mum and Dad in the space of two years and shortly after I lost one of my two brothers too, my best friend. The pain will diminish with time but the memories will always be there to cherish. Take care and yes, life does go on.

RobanStudio said...

Your sketchbook days with your dad are in no way offensive Anita. It's a treasure you will always have and in years to come, you will be so glad you have it.

I lost my dad when I was 17 through a construction accident that I witnessed. That was 38 years ago, and I still remember it like it was yesterday.

It will take time for you not to feel the aching pain, but you will never forget what you went through with your parents. Loss of a parent is always deep. Take the time to grieve.

May the Lord bless you and comfort you in your time of need.